She is in my trunk
i was born a porn star she said
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
