Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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