I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
