he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
