Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
