somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
