But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
