At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
