I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
