He uses pillows to masturbate.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize