Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
