I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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