She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
