We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
