maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
God I need to hump something, right now.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
