let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Im part way to drunk.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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