the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
