When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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