i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
