Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
