Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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