just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
