tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
