She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize