Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
