She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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