I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
