You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
