dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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