terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
