How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
