Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
