there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
