I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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