You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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