I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
