and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
