If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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