I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am mentally ready for anal.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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