so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
