"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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