It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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