Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
