youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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