Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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