So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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