your thong is hanging out like whoa
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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