I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
