Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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