I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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