how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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