Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
