Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
