Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize