she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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