I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
