There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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