He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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