I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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