You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
