there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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