On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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