Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
