Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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