This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
