so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
