I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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