at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
