They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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