I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
