so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
