We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize