I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
