Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
