i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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