I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
bring money and cleavage
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
