It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
