I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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