After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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