i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
