He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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